CAN DATING RESULT TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE?
By NUHU FLORENCE U14MCM2021S
It
is no longer news that the excessive trauma experience in many marriages and
breaking down of several others is due to several reasons beyond the ordinary
human understanding and acceptance.
Comments like; “had I known” “I would
not have married you” and “I don’t know you are such a beast”, are among some
several complaints by some people who are faced with disappointment and
difficulties in their marriages. Some regret the choices they made after
marrying their partners.
Now, the question is, why are
marriages these days confronted with challenges, conflicts and misunderstandings
that results to separation, since the choices were made by the two parties.
What then comes along the way?
The answers may not be farfetched from
the fact that some people’s cultures and religion ignore the vital necessity
for intending marriage couples to pass through a romantic exchange of deeper
understanding of each other to know likes and dislikes before marriage which is called dating.
However, can dating assure a happy
marriage?
What
then is dating? Dating is a 21 century phenomenon that started as a form of
recreation but today, it is the main route through which courtship and mate
selection emanate.
According
to relationship experts, dating can be classified into casual stage. The casual
state of dating is just the common closeness to either a boy or girl without
affection or likeness, followed by the going steady stage where two opposite
sex individuals begin to develop likeness for each other. The engagement stage
is a situation where the two opposite sex would have an agreement to marry each
other .if couples go through these stages of dating, can it guarantee a happy
marriage?
Inspite of the promising ideas and
reasons for dating, some people are not convinced with the magic of dating
which is aimed at preventing regrets in marriages and providing immunization
for the breaking down of many marriages. Dating does not work for some people.
Miss Patience, a resident of pyeyi,
wukari, says from her experience is not important and so she discourages the
practice.
According
to her, a guy dated her for eight years full of promises and love but later the
young man ridiculously went and marry a woman from his hometown. For her
“dating is a mask enclosed with hypocrisy and deceit” because some men hide
under the umbrella of dating with pretence of making untrue promises aimed at
keeping a girl for their selfish desires. This situation can bring in place the
questions some married people do ask like; so you are this wicked? In this
regard, can dating guarantee a happy marriage?
Regarding the issue of hypocrisy,
deceit and pretence during dating, the reason why the heart of man was
described by God in the bible as desperately wicked, and why God regretted creating
man comes to mind. The heart of man is unpredictable, uncertain and hardly to
be trusted, but does that mean that no man or woman should be trusted? I don’t
think so because if you don’t trust somebody you cannot stay in a place with
such a person even on the basis of marriage.
Some individuals are of the opinion
that dating is necessary and it should be
based on the foundation of God.
According to Mrs. Dafi Benjamin,
dating assures of a happy marriage in the sense that it gives the opportunity for
one to choose a man or woman of choice, knowing the likes and the dislikes of
such an individual which to her should be based on the standard and foundation
of God.
When asked about the pretence and
hypocrisy, she said even though half bread it better than none, long term
dating should be avoided because it may lead to loosing of faith and the
tendency of committing sexual immorality, and other unfaithful acts against
God’s regulation and standard. She also noted that during dating if a person
discovers that the partner is not worthy, he or she should not marry or pretend
but should change such partner to another.
In the same vein, Mr. Dafi Benjamin opined
that, “dating before marriage is good, it gives you time to choose the right
partner, to marry”
According to him, during that period
you will know if the partner is capable of catering for a family or not, and
also whether the person has a fear of God or not.
Benjamin noted that, “it is lack of
dating before marriage that brings about collapse of such marriage today;
singles should be sincere and open during dating so that vital signs and
incompatibility will not be missed out”.
In Nigeria, there are cultures and
traditions that does not the value and necessity of dating before marriage. For
example, in atypical hausa community, marriage can occur when the parents and
the wedding takes place.
Sometimes the couples might discover
that they do not have feelings for each other, but for the fact that their
parents approve, they feel it is compulsory for them to stay together.
Consequently, communities experience a high rate of divorce. However sometimes
parents move toward sustaining family relationships and decide joining their
children into marriage even though the children might not have interest in each
other or families negotiate marriages for their children aimed at strengthening
business relationships.
Nevertheless, in modern civilized
society the need for dating before marriage cannot be denied as it serves as
screening period for intending marriage couples to share ideas and minds aimed
at achieving a happy marriage.
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