CAN DATING RESULT TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE?

CAN DATING RESULT TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE?

By NUHU FLORENCE U14MCM2021S

It is no longer news that the excessive trauma experience in many marriages and breaking down of several others is due to several reasons beyond the ordinary human understanding and acceptance.

          Comments like; “had I known” “I would not have married you” and “I don’t know you are such a beast”, are among some several complaints by some people who are faced with disappointment and difficulties in their marriages. Some regret the choices they made after marrying their partners.

          Now, the question is, why are marriages these days confronted with challenges, conflicts and misunderstandings that results to separation, since the choices were made by the two parties. What then comes along the way?

          The answers may not be farfetched from the fact that some people’s cultures and religion ignore the vital necessity for intending marriage couples to pass through a romantic exchange of deeper understanding of each other to know likes and dislikes  before marriage which is called dating.

          However, can dating assure a happy marriage?

What then is dating? Dating is a 21 century phenomenon that started as a form of recreation but today, it is the main route through which courtship and mate selection emanate.

According to relationship experts, dating can be classified into casual stage. The casual state of dating is just the common closeness to either a boy or girl without affection or likeness, followed by the going steady stage where two opposite sex individuals begin to develop likeness for each other. The engagement stage is a situation where the two opposite sex would have an agreement to marry each other .if couples go through these stages of dating, can it guarantee a happy marriage?

          Inspite of the promising ideas and reasons for dating, some people are not convinced with the magic of dating which is aimed at preventing regrets in marriages and providing immunization for the breaking down of many marriages. Dating does not work for some people. Miss  Patience, a resident of pyeyi, wukari, says from her experience is not important and so she discourages the practice.

According to her, a guy dated her for eight years full of promises and love but later the young man ridiculously went and marry a woman from his hometown. For her “dating is a mask enclosed with hypocrisy and deceit” because some men hide under the umbrella of dating with pretence of making untrue promises aimed at keeping a girl for their selfish desires. This situation can bring in place the questions some married people do ask like; so you are this wicked? In this regard, can dating guarantee a happy marriage?

          Regarding the issue of hypocrisy, deceit and pretence during dating, the reason why the heart of man was described by God in the bible as desperately wicked, and why God regretted creating man comes to mind. The heart of man is unpredictable, uncertain and hardly to be trusted, but does that mean that no man or woman should be trusted? I don’t think so because if you don’t trust somebody you cannot stay in a place with such a person even on the basis of marriage.

          Some individuals are of the opinion that dating is necessary and it should  be based on the foundation of God.

          According to Mrs. Dafi Benjamin, dating assures of a happy marriage in the sense that it gives the opportunity for one to choose a man or woman of choice, knowing the likes and the dislikes of such an individual which to her should be based on the standard and foundation of God.

          When asked about the pretence and hypocrisy, she said even though half bread it better than none, long term dating should be avoided because it may lead to loosing of faith and the tendency of committing sexual immorality, and other unfaithful acts against God’s regulation and standard. She also noted that during dating if a person discovers that the partner is not worthy, he or she should not marry or pretend but should change such partner to another.

           In the same vein, Mr. Dafi Benjamin opined that, “dating before marriage is good, it gives you time to choose the right partner, to marry”

          According to him, during that period you will know if the partner is capable of catering for a family or not, and also whether the person has a fear of God or not.